How many times have you read something and thought, ‘OMG, I want to do that‘?
I worry about that. About new people who are so excited about BDSM and they read something from a book and then start furiously looking through the internet to find out more about it.
The ‘finding more’ part isn’t bad … it’s the jumping in when some nugget of information is provided and you don’t know how reliable it is. Because, if it was, I’d be sitting back as my French model massaged me from head to toe … Wait ~ My model would be a Viking in a kilt.
Let’s look at the best case scenario and assume you’ve done your research well, checked your resources, and took the time needed to sift through what you want out of the BDSM community and now you are actively seeking (this can and should take months).
You’re utilizing the sites out there that cater to the needs you want met and are talking with people and – finally – someone catches your eye.
Personally, I’m hoping that, no matter how much you want to jump into this, you are being smart. Remember, like attracts like and trolls are seeking those who are too embarrassed to ensure their safety is more important that something they might or might not enjoy.
I’m also hoping you’ve asked the hard questions and not just those you’ve read about online (so says the person writing this for you to read online LOL).
I’m sure you’ve heard about asking for references but, seriously, references are like what you find on your resume and who is going to put people on their resume that aren’t going to speak highly of them?
What about a Safe Call? You know; where you call someone every hour or two … but what good is a safe call when you’re tied up in someone’s trunk 10 minutes after the call?
What? You think I’m over-exaggerating?
Then you didn’t do enough research.
So, what can you do?
Well, I can think of two major things that will be the best thing you can do for your safety (at least, until you believe they have your safety in higher regard than you do).
Ask them for their full name. If they don’t want to, then don’t let anything they say keep you from saying no to meeting – no matter how safe the environment is. If they do send it, Google their name. If you don’t discover something that should cause you to be concerned then meet.
Ask for their license plate number and give THAT to your safe call and, when you meet, ask for their drivers license to confirm they are who they’ve said they were.
BDSM is not a game and predators know it … and they are smart and getting smarter – if you dont care about your safety, who will?
I leave you with the following story that exemplifies all I’ve tried to impart here.
On her way to work one morning,
Down the path alongside the lake,
A tender-hearted woman saw a poor half frozen snake.
His pretty colored skin had been all frosted with the dew.
“Poor thing,” she cried, “I’ll take you in and I’ll take care of you”
“Take me in tender woman, take me in, for heaven’s sake,
Take me in, tender woman,” sighed the snake.
She wrapped him all cozy in a comforter of silk
and laid him by her fireside with some honey and some milk.
She hurried home from work that night and soon as she arrived,
She found that pretty snake she’d taken to had been revived.
She clutched him to her bosom, “You’re so beautiful,” she cried.
“But if I hadn’t brought you in by now you might have died”
She stroked his pretty skin again and kissed and held him tight.
Instead of saying thanks, the snake gave her a vicious bite.
“I saved you,” cried the woman, “And you’ve bitten me, but why?
You know your bite is poisonous and now I’m going to die”
“Oh shut up, silly woman,” said the reptile with a grin,
“You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in”.
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