What a wonderful post last week on Daddy Dominants. It got me to thinking that I need to continue. To show as many facets of BDSM as possible – and to share both sides of the fence. I need to do this actually. I need for you to grow, to understand, to feel the desire to go for something more – no matter if it’s a little scary, a little outside the norm. Why? Because, when you don’t give up or get discouraged and you continue to search for the end of the rainbow, you will find something more precious than a pot of gold – it’s the freedom to believe that anything is possible. No. Not to believe … to experience. To fly.
Reverend Todd spoke from the heart when he shared with us his angst for those too narrow-minded to think outside the box. Today we look at the other side of that Daddy/Lil girl dynamic. Just as Reverend Todd strives to break the paradigms of his standing as a Daddy dominant, those in the position of a little girl fights through their fears. Although I have a few fantasies about having a daddy/lil girl dynamic, it’s not a part of my relationship so I sought out someone who *is*. I’m a huge fan of hers (if you haven’t been able to tell). She speaks candidly with a huge heart and a strong desire to be there for any who need her. … Heck, I’m coming to find out I need her!
Without further adieu, I had the blog over to Lil Lolita.
I agree with all the things that Reverend Todd said about being a Daddy, and what being a good Daddy means.
In short, Daddy is a safe place. The harbor in the hurricane that is sometimes my life. That place that I can go and be free of judgment, anxiety, free of all artifice. I am more myself when we are in that space together.
One thing that might be different in my own personal DD/lg relationship is that, contrary to what is stated above, my Daddy doesn’t ensure my innocence, he destroys it lol.
Our play, when in that space, centers around Daddy teaching/corrupting his little girl. And when I say “his little girl” I do NOT mean a Daddy/daughter dynamic; although most defo ageplayers, we don’t engage in the incestuous aspect that some age players do. I think that even within that microcommunity, there is a huge distinction.
And that is (just) one of the underlying complexities of this dynamic…even those of us who live and play within it struggle to define it for ourselves….the journey through this taboo has been difficult, and involves loads and heaps of soul-searching and introspection and self-doubt and, I’m not going to lie, initially for me it involved lots of shame. I was constantly questioning myself…
Most of my life, I’ve been plagued by these things, these kinks, that I fucking love. I mean LOVE…serious big lust….and I’ve also been racked with guilt about them.
I have reasons, I’m sure we all do. My reasons aren’t relevant at the moment, just accept that they are there.
So about a year ago …totally by accident, we both discover this….thing….this thing that blew our minds and turned us on and excited us and fuck, it was amazing! And it totally screwed me up in the head.
Am I really one of THOSE people?!?!?!
OMG does this mean I have Daddy issues?!?!?
What the fuck is WRONG with me?!?!??!
Why do I even WANT this?!?!
Why does it turn me on sooooo much?!?
What does he think of me that I like this?
You ever had that happen?
Where this thing that feels so good, so absolutely right and natural leaves you wondering if you’re fucked in the head? Like actually clinically nuts? Like you need therapy and like you’re the worst kind of sickness to ever ooze out of the swamp?
It hurts so much.
It’s so confusing.
This thing, I lusted for it. It was all I could think about. I could barely walk straight for being so turned on from it constantly.
It was like a drumbeat in my head…..and lower.
It made me happy, it made me giggle and smile and….good lord, I would glow thinking about it. And he liked it too, and assured me that I wasn’t a freak, that I wasn’t alone. He said all the right things, and was perfect.
But still, inside my head….I worried.
I worried and I was self-conscious, and I had heaps of self loathing.
Do you know what that’s like? To want to shower after engaging in something you love because you feel so….vile?
And it’s lonely.
The first person I “came out” to, was horrified, and literally told me that I needed therapy and that my partner was probably a pedophile. That sent me screaming back to square one, CONVINCED I was sick, and that he and I had tapped into some weird mutual mental illness and we were both awful people….then I went to one other person, who I knew also shared this kink, and she was more wonderful than words can say. She saved me I think. It really was her support, coupled with my partners reassurances that we weren’t odd or wrong or “bad” that allowed me to explore this dynamic. It’s because of them that I am so happy today. it’s because of them that I am “out” as an age-player within the kink community, because of them that I am unashamed of it, and of myself. It is because of their support and unconditional love that I was able to create an online group for middles/littles/babygirls and Daddies…a place where we can find and support one another and NOT feel ostracized, even amongst the kink community that supports so many other things yet, out of misinformation, fear and taboo, does a fair job of ostracizing us.
I haven’t been this happy in a really long time
My name is Lil Lolita, I’m 38, and sometimes I like to call him Daddy. Apparently this whole DD/lg thing makes me happy.
Fuck you self loathing. Being his little girl makes me happy. I love when he calls me pet names, and kisses my forehead, and reads to me…I also love it when he says, in that very growly, very “Daddy” voice…..”OK my dirty little girl, cum for Daddy”
I’ve asked Santa for a Lil Lolita for Xmas ~ I think you know why. *grins*
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