We covered “Aware” in the last post on the ABC’s of BDSM and it dealt with yourself. Today, we go on to the next step when it deals with others.
B: Beware. Of those around you because trolls are getting smarter (I can’t seem to say that enough – I wonder why?) and they will use you with no care to your safety – oh, they will say they are very concerned for your welfare and they will say it convincingly – that doesn’t make it true. If you hold out and they don’t stick around, it’s because they moved on to another “soft target”.
This is not a game and, if they want to throw your caution in your face as not being submissive enough, then it’s a sure sign they are not trustworthy.
You will find that there are people with money in BDSM – there are as many of them that can be trusted as those driving a truck or in construction – or whatever … and many that can’t be trusted.
There are so many concerns about ‘outing’ people because of the claims on how it will hurt the community that you really need to beware of the possibility of predators.
I know people who will chat online for months before giving an email address (and usually one set up for this purpose), then more time before giving a real name, phone number, meeting, etc. Even playing in private is a scary situation since you will most likely be gagged and tied – perfect setup for rapists and murderers, don’tcha think?
Your life is well worth the wait so make sure you are extremely confident before proceeding.
Check to see if they are involved in the community and how the community thinks of them but, like I said last week, take everything with a grain of salt. If the person had been in a relationship with them they could still be hurt and tell you lies because they are spiteful. Or they could have been lied to by the person and don’t want you to be the next victim.
There are pros and cons to those who aren’t involved in their local community. Some aren’t because they are known to be a predator but they blame it on the drama while others are actually very much over the drama that can grow now that the internet has opened the doors to so many savory and unsavory people.
You really need to beware of drama as much as you need to keep your eyes open to the truth – juggling the two can be tricky but your safety is as stake and, because of the depth of the play involved, your heart too.
I’m reminded of Smokey the Bear when he says, ‘Only you can prevent forest fires’. It’s just as true in everything you do. The choices you make need to thought out with your brain as much as with your emotions because so many aspects of BDSM involve emotions – not always good emotions. But even ‘bad emotions’ is relative. Take fear play. It’s not uncommon and many thrive on it. Fear is considered a bad thing to most people in society – even some in BDSM … so a good balance of brain and emotion will do you well.
Beware of the need to ignore things in order to Belong – another B-word that sometimes people want to trump the more important B-word of Beware.
When you get into a relationship, you might believe that there is some give and take when it comes the DO’s and DO NOT’s you created with the last post and that isn’t always true or the best way to look at things.
Both of you should agree to respect each other’s desires, concerns, expectations and needs – just to name a few things with no changes to your standards – or limits.
If you ignore your standards in order to belong, there’s a possibility you are stepping into a less than ideal situation.
Some of the risks you willingly give up in order to experience everything you’ve read or hear about (or maybe experienced in another relationship), could be your peace of mind, your safety, or your life.
Don’t pishaw when I bring up these thing – especially your life. BDSM involves many dangerous weapons. I’m hard pressed to think of some of the tools people have in their ‘toy bag’ and not think of them as dangerous in a person’s hands.
BDSM is not a game – to those who live it or to those that use it as a means to get to you.
149 total views, 12 views today