Another Notch on the Bedpost

We all want friends – the more the merrier, right!?
Maybe … I suppose.

friendsSomehow, it seems to have become a game of who can get the most friends on internet
sites … when, in fact, these people can’t really be classified as friends, can they?

I know people that have tons of friends … one even has well over 4,000 friends.
She’s good with that – enjoys posting pictures of herself and her body and accepts all friendships and conversations. She’s also monogamous with her Master and no one ever knows anything more about her than the pictures.
That (adding friends just to add them) doesn’t sit too well with me personally and I wouldn’t normally have friends that do that. However, I’ve known her looooong before she did this (like almost 10 years long) and consider her a friend … what she enjoys doesn’t have to align with what I enjoy – she adds value to my life when we get the moments here and there to chat and that’s all I require in order to have her as a friend.

That’s what I do and that is how I think:
If you add value to my life – in a small or large way – you are a friend. If you don’t, then you aren’t.

When I get a friend’s request from someone that doesn’t appear familiar, I understand it could be from someone I chat with on another site and they might have different nics – or it might be from someone I met at a munch and we used first names – or it might be a request from a stranger … no matter the reason, if I don’t know who they are, I always look at their profile. Their kinks. The groups they belong to and so on.
But it’s not just their profile but their list of friends.
How many friends do they have? What’s the percentage of female friends? Is there diversity or are they close-minded to certain genders?

Want to weed out the trolls?
Head to their list of friends and, if they have 99% girls (probably in their 20’s or younger – but not always), then your troll alert should be sounding – loudly.

When I look through friends list and I see diversity then I know they aren’t judgemental, they keep their minds open and probably have a better attitude because diversity can open up to so much more understanding.
But, if you haven’t heard it before, here it is again: Trolls are getting smarter and we need to be more aware of the things we can do to help us weed them out.

on some sites, you can have your pictures only viewable to friends and, if you add them willy-nilly, they have access to pictures you kept from the general public and, no matter what the site says about not being able to copy pictures, where there is a will, there is a way

In our current world, instant gratification has become the norm but, if you don’t take the time to find out about them, you might be opening yourself up to them finding out about you – more than you want them to know.
You might, also, be turning off others who are interested in you because we’re an assuming group of people – no matter how exalted we try to make ourselves out to be.

I hope I’m getting it across to you that you are what your profile represents … & Not many want to be another notch on a well-worn bedpost, dont’cha know?

both

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Posted in BDSM, Random Notes

#BDSM & Posting Pictures

I did a blog not too long ago about how people lose opportunities when they don’t post pictures but, for this blog, I kinda wanna give some input on the other side of that very same coin and share some warnings one the pictures we post.

I’m always cautioning people about the trolls we find – especially on-line.
They’re like weeds, I tell ya! You get rid of one and 2 others pop up in their place – Grrrr

People look through profiles every day …. wait. let me backtrack here… people perv pictures every day. Throw up something that represents the thngs you like or want to try and BAM, here comes a message or two – or three – on something to do with that picture.

So, imagine what happens when you post a face picture – either as an avatar or somewhere in your profile – for all to see.
Now, there are many reasons we put up pictures that show us as we are and not as something we enjoy.
Mostly, it’s to attract someone. Show them that we are nice looking and that we’re real.
It’s a type of mating call and we hope to attract some sort of Christian Grey (I personally prefer Sean Connery in his 40’s or 50s with that Scottish burr or Gary Sinise (CSI: NY) but to each their own)
If you are pretty and have a nice body, you are encouraging SO much more than a likely candidate – you are gonna find trolls popping out of the woodwork.
It’s not that you won’t attract those that are legitimately into BDSM (or whatever you are looking for – depending on the site you are posting said pics), but you have to be cautious. Trolls are sounding more and more like the “real” thing every day.

They will sweet talk you and make you feel good about yourself – they will back off if you get uncomfortable – they will read your profile and tell you what you want to hear and they will admit they read (aka: skimmed for nuggets they can use) your profile and found it interesting/intriguing/captivating/etc or they will say something they gleamed from your profile and make it as if it came from them … they have learned all this from the hundreds of mistakes they made in the past.

All from a picture.

We need to be wise when post pictures of ourselves. Some forums allow you to post pictures for only friends to see … this is great unless you add friends to your list simply because they sent a request.

It’s all about being aware of the pros and cons of what you do and the consequences of them as well.

Join me next week as we discuss those friends lists

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Posted in BDSM, Random Notes

Vacation Locations & Book Locations

I’m heading off on a much needed and very exciting vacation and I started to wonder at the places I’ll be going as well as the books I’ve read that took place in the areas in and around where I’ll be.

Have you ever gone on vacation to places that were spoken about in the books you’ve read and did the thought cross your mind – as it has mine – to visit or find those spots covered in your favorite novel?
Or what about this: Did you *purposely* go to those places *because* they were in your favorite books?

I’ve yet to write a book that took place long enough in current day to have to have the specific details of exactly/kinda sorta where my characters were so I’m wondering at those of you who have gone to specific locations to see how accurate the description was.
I am working on a trilogy that does mention the city and state’s names – but no street names so that doesn’t really count – especially since the trilogy takes place mainly in a foreign country in another time.

If you keep up on my blog, you will note that I’ve spoken with a rather well-known author and as told that their daughter actually flew to a specific place to get an idea of the area for an upcoming book.
I’m not sure if this place was a city with street names and shops or if it was out in the mountain ranges since she writes with both those backdrops and didn’t think to ask that specific question.

So, when in a country/state that has been used as the main area in your favorite book(s), have you found that the details in the book were spot on, pretty accurate, a general idea or disappointing?

When – or if – you go to see these places, would you expect spot on details or would you just be pleasantly surprised if it was generally correct?
I get that there are many variables and authors need a little leniency here and there to help the flow of their story but how much are you willing to accept?

Oh! I thought of something else. What if you lived in the general vicinity if the location? Would it perturb you if they didn’t keep to the truth of the area – especially if it was in a current day setting? Because we all know that, if it’s futuristic, things change and, if it’s in the past, how much do we really know about the changes that did occur between then and now.

So many things to ponder and I’d love to hear what your mindset is!

Well, off jet-skiing ~ enjoy!!

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Do Readers Like Novellas?

I’m pretty much thinking that writers are as avid a reader as any other. I certainly spend a lot of time looking for books I enjoy cuddling up to – especially when in the bath or ready to doze off in bed.
I have to admit that there have been many late nights in which I’ve gone well past the time I should have been dreaming but the book was just too good, dagnabit!

Because of this, I’ve gotten some stand-alone novellas so that I could enjoy a story without getting up the next morning with a foggy brain that just won’t wake up.
But I have to admit, that most novellas just don’t have enough to them to grab my attention. Seems as if there are parts missing that I’m not getting and, surprisingly, I stay away from erotica’s because they are too much like porn where they get right to the sex without a back story.
Not that I haven’t come across those with regular full-length books but, of the 4 ebook novellas I’ve purchased, I stopped reading one before I finished the first chapter, 2 left me feeling as if they were incomplete and I haven’t started the other because I’ve lost interest in wasting that time I find so enjoyable on something that is so deflating.

As a writer, I have to admit that, if I am at 60,000 words, I’m thinking it’s not enough.
I’m more comfortable with getting a complete book out around the 70,000 plus word range but I’m not a Christine Feehan, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Lora Leigh, or any other of the amazing authors that are out there so it might be just me.

Now, I understand novellas that you find during a series that mainly have regular books.
With a series, you have a back story, you get what’s going on and the author just needs to get a particular character’s story to the masses because … well … the character demands the attention – I get that.
There isn’t the need for a lot of information past the main characters with some of the others possibly thrown in because it’s already been filled out with the other novels… but what of the others?
What of the ones that are what I mentioned? A stand-alone book with less that 40,000 words (give or take, depending on who you talk to)?
Is it just the ones I’ve picked or are there others that agree? What about the ones that disagree with me? What books are you reading that I should look into?

Then there’s another question that I just thought about … what about the price?
Are you willing to spend $3.00 or more dollars on novellas? I mean, they are half the size of a novel, right so why pay full price?
Or are you thinking that half the price is half the necessary story and you only go for full-length books?

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Don’t Forget Your Bag of Salt

When you enter an event for the first time, nerves can cause those butterflies to turn into gremlins clawing to get out and all one can think of is a huge desire to be liked.
Afterall, who doesn’t want to be liked? Who doesn’t care?
Probably those people that have a ton of folks hanging onto their every word so they could care less if they piss so-and-so off.

Where am I going with this and what the hell does it have to do with salt??
I added my thoughts to a discussion in the making about how people *say* they are a certain way and talk the good talk and when it comes to the reality of it, they are anything but.
The amazing part is how they have a huge following … so they must be what they say, right?
Pfffft.

It’s like the popular kid(s) in school – if you get in their click, you’ll be popular too and have it all.
As adults, once we’ve moved out of school and into the real world, we’ve come to realize this isn’t always so. It’s the geeks that have it all cause they looked passed the packaging and knew more about the system, the mechanics, or whatever it was they learned about without blindly following.
Well, and the bad boys that we love to drool over.
But I digress! (Talk of bad boys has me visualizing so many naughty things)

Let’s say, before you go to an event, you go into a website that has any number of forums to join because you want to know people behind the safety of your screen before you meet them head-on. The best thing to do is join those you want to know more about (or, if you know a lot about it, to share and to gain more knowledge because there is always something new to learn on something we’re good at).
Of course, if that forum has hundreds or thousands of members, it’s gotta be the best forum on that subject, right?!?

Maybe – maybe not.

We all want to be liked and be able to laugh and get along with people because then we are comfortable and happy – and who doesn’t want that?
But we should never walk into something with blinders on.
We all know that, if someone is behaving badly, they will be treated appropriately but what if the person isn’t behaving badly but they are just being blunt – or going against the flow?
Take a look at the rules, how the moderators (mods) handle situations, how the members treat comments they don’t personally like, or how those members/mods treat those that go against the norm.

Just because someone says they are a master, doesn’t mean they are one any more than believing someone is a slave because they say they are.

I am absolutely not saying that, as a slave, you can’t stand up to another or that, as a master you can’t back down from a disagreement.
What I am saying is that, if a person can’t be respectful – even with 50,000 members – do you really want to follow them? Listen and learn from them?

Whatever you see or hear, always take it with a grain of salt and, because yer gonna see and hear a lot, bring a bag of salt!

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