#BDSM, Halloween Style ~ “Accessories”

Oh, the joys of dressing up anyway you wanna … or, if yer into BDSM, the joys of being able to go out in your everyday wear without sensor! Can’t beat <snickers> leather a corsets!

The things BDSMer’s can do to take the ‘normal’ accessories and do an one-up-manship with!
And that’s what I’m here to do today – show you the things I’ve found that are Halloweenish – with a BDSM twist!


Gotta be careful about what could be said – even by the pumpkins because we know what big mouths they can have …. so a ball gag and
zipped eyes should do!



And about them big mouths … why not switch <LOL> it up a bit and let yer neighbors know what to expect when they come inside, a little pumpkin advertisement can do the trick <I am just full of puns>

And you wanna talk masks?
Clowns, Freddie Kruger, Jason, and Michael Myers can’t compare


So, when you go to your parties and you see people dressed in their awesome outfits, don’t be surprised if it looks a little worn … as if they’ve worn it more than just once a year Smilie: ;)

Join me next week to see some Halloween inspired ‘toys’

Happy “Be Free to Flaunt yer BDSM Day”!



Copyright holders: if you feel any of my postings infringes your rights, please let me know. I will be happy to credit you the way you wish or to remove your material promptly.

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#BDSM, Halloween Style ~ “Costumes”

I don’t usually do blogs that relate with whatever holiday is happening in that month but I can’t stop thinking about how Halloween and BDSM go hand-in-hand so I’m going to try out a 3-part feature of the things that make me think of Halloween and BDSM.

Where else to start but with attire?

People love to dress up for Halloween – no matter their age – and there isn’t much difference when you go to a play party as when you go to a Halloween party – so let’s compare outfits.

halloween-school-girl“Schoolgirl outfits aren’t sexy”, said no one ever!

Seriously, what isn’t sexy about a schoolgirl outfit?
halloween-teacherWhy, a girl being punished while in a schoolgirl outfit!


Then, of course, you have the one GIVING the punishment and here we have that teacher that will keep you in line!
Which one do you think you’d make sure you’d be getting your homework done – on time!?

When you think of animals, you might think of sexy or funny but look at the difference between those that dress up once a year and those that take it seriously…

And who doesn’t want to keephalloween-cop people safe? Be they  police officers or dominants?



halloween-slaveWhat of those they are protecting? The slave girl…

Princess Leia certainly had the look but even covering a woman’s curves no one can deny the allure of the one to the right.


Yup – there are many costumes one can see on Halloween that you will see at many BDSM events throughout the year


Happy “Be Free to Flaunt yer BDSM Day”!



Copyright holders: if you feel any of my postings infringes your rights, please let me know. I will be happy to credit you the way you wish or to remove your material promptly.

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#BDSM Conversations ~ #YerDoinItWrong

I’m telling ya, I have a ton of these and, when someone tells me about *their* experiences, I just have to share because it shows that this happens to everyone! So, without further ado, grab the popcorn and a soda and enjoy! *Again: no corrections were made to what was given*

Him: Your a very interesting woman. Id like to talk with you sometime.

Her: As long as it isnt, “What are you into?”, I’m good with a conversation

Right?!? ( out of 10 times, guys want your entire history of fetishes (aka: sexual escapades) without having told you a thing!

Him: I have a Dominant type personality. I enjoy submissive women. I also like anal sex. Giving that is. Not every time, but sometimes. I really enjoy talking dirty while having sex. How about you, what types of things do you like?

Wait – what?? Isn’t “what types of things..” just like asking exactly what she said NOT to ask??

Her: I knew this about you Smilie: ;)
Only had to read your profile …
Mine will tell you what I like Smilie: :)

She either didn’t catch his lack of intelligence or she’s playing with him – we all gotta have fun with the trolls at times – right?

Him: Im really interested in fisting. After we built up a trusting friendship, I’d love to fist you. Flogging you would also be quite a treat. Im also interested in anal sex. I prefer to call it buttfucking. It just sounds better. Daddy/ daughter roleplay is also fun. How about roleplaying a submissive mom that is forcefully impregnated by her Dominant son (yet ends up being assfucked)? That would be a hot scene. I look forward to hearing from you.

Oh! Did you see that? He threw in the “trust factor”! Smart troll – you get brownie points … and then it got weird fast. I know role playing can be hot as hell but, without even knowing her, he tossed in something so taboo he forgot about getting to know her (and maybe reading the profile she told him to – which doesn’t have any of that stuff on there – I know: I looked) so the trust factor is out the window – removal of brownie points.

Her: You need to take a step back and grow up before you try to message someone because your presumptuous attitude is repelling.
It’s like you take what people say about trust and lump it in with troll speak.
People like you are why people like me are disgusted in those entering this lifestyle with no regard to decency.
And it’s nto about what you’re wanting to do but, as I said, the presumption that you can start out a conversation with a stranger in the way you did.


As you can suspect, the dude never replied back.

Why is it trolls center around sex? Aren’t there a ton of sites that cater to sex – of all varieties? Why can’t they go to those sites and get their rocks off?

Because there will be women who say, ‘yes’ ….. sigh

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The ABC’s of #BDSM ~ C

Previously, we discussed “Aware” and “Beware” In the ABC’s of BDSM and now we move onto C. This is a word that I stress over and over in many forms … I hope it’s getting through…

C: Common Sense. This is just another word for intelligence because you should never EVER allow yourself or another to forget you have brains and will always be allowed to use them. Read information on BDSM that make you scared as well as make you wet so you can have a balance that keeps your feet on the ground in reality.

If you have to wonder about too many ‘what ifs’, then you aren’t in a safe zone and you should always be in a safe zone (clever thinking) – even when doing things that wouldn’t be considered ‘safe’, being excited and nervous is one thing … but nervous and scared? That might be a totally different factor …. I suggest you go back to A and see where that feeling/situation fell before you got into it.
If you question more things than not, then take a step back and reevaluate. BDSM can be like that used car salesman telling you that, ‘if you don’t do it now, you might never get a chance’ and that might throw up a red flag.
(note: used car salesmen are most likely trolls in disguise)

If 1+1 doesn’t equal 2 than there’s something wrong.
These are just a few of the hundreds of examples:

  •  You use your safe word and they give one extra whack before stopping.
  •  If you ask for more information so you can be more comfortable with the situation and they tell you to stop topping from the bottom or let them take care of it because *they* are in control – especially if it’s a new relationship – then be clever enough to realized they aren’t as concerned about your psyche as they should be.
  • When they do something that is on your hard limits list and tell you they are just pushing your boundaries – that’s what any dominant does to build trust/exert control – NOT.
  • If they try to play on your guilt in ANY way.

Until you are confident about yourself, you won’t develop confidence in your place in BDSM.
There is only ONE difference between BDSM and non-BDSM is the methods used in enjoying life to the fullest. Just like in extreme sports; it’s not for everyone but, even in extreme (and not so extreme) sports, people use common sense when approaching a new way of doing things and they surround themselves with people that know what they are doing and encourage thoughtful consideration no matter how experienced a person is. They are also there to make sure everyone is as safe as can be expected by sharing experiences, improved ways of protection (mentally as well as physically), and checking/double checking equipment and personnel for any signs of wear or concern. That’s common sense.

Be intelligent people. Love yourself enough to accept your worth because there will come a time (or two, or three) when you’ll have to say, ‘no’ and that does not make you any less of a submissive any more than admitting you’re wrong makes you less of a dominant … it might put a dent in your partner’s plans or go as far as ending a relationship but, if you are simply refusing to leave your intelligence at the door, then it is their loss and a very valuable learning experience for you.

You have the rest of your life to discover the joy of BDSM and we all make mistakes – don’t let that mistake be your last and don’t let it make you feel like you failed when your head was sending you warning signals your partner/dominant/master/owner/top/etc didn’t take the time to respect your concerns and help you through it.
I have to say that the greatest fail Christian did in the movie (I didn’t read the book) with Anastasia was he outright REFUSED to explain anything to the girl and her justifiable fears continued and common sense should have (rightfully) told her to run! … imagine if the man had used common sense and talked to her … but that could just be the different writing style of the author and their knowledge of BDSM. Unfortunately it gave a very wrong impression of what is right and acceptable in BDSM.

There’s my ABC’s of BDSM … we could probably go through the entire alphabet and come up with tools for you to survive and thrive but I think you get the gist. I hope this was a valuable reading for you and play smart!

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The ABC’s of #BDSM ~ B

We covered “Aware” in the last post on the ABC’s of BDSM and it dealt with yourself. Today, we go on to the next step when it deals with others.

B: Beware. Of those around you because trolls are getting smarter (I can’t seem to say that enough – I wonder why?) and they will use you with no care to your safety – oh, they will say they are very concerned for your welfare and they will say it convincingly – that doesn’t make it true. If you hold out and they don’t stick around, it’s because they moved on to another “soft target”.
This is not a game and, if they want to throw your caution in your face as not being submissive enough, then it’s a sure sign they are not trustworthy.
You will find that there are people with money in BDSM – there are as many of them that can be trusted as those driving a truck or in construction – or whatever … and many that can’t be trusted.

There are so many concerns about ‘outing’ people because of the claims on how it will hurt the community that you really need to beware of the possibility of predators.
I know people who will chat online for months before giving an email address (and usually one set up for this purpose), then more time before giving a real name, phone number, meeting, etc. Even playing in private is a scary situation since you will most likely be gagged and tied – perfect setup for rapists and murderers, don’tcha think?

Your life is well worth the wait so make sure you are extremely confident before proceeding.
Check to see if they are involved in the community and how the community thinks of them but, like I said last week, take everything with a grain of salt. If the person had been in a relationship with them they could still be hurt and tell you lies because they are spiteful. Or they could have been lied to by the person and don’t want you to be the next victim.
There are pros and cons to those who aren’t involved in their local community. Some aren’t because they are known to be a predator but they blame it on the drama while others are actually very much over the drama that can grow now that the internet has opened the doors to so many savory and unsavory people.

You really need to beware of drama as much as you need to keep your eyes open to the truth – juggling the two can be tricky but your safety is as stake and, because of the depth of the play involved, your heart too.

I’m reminded of Smokey the Bear when he says, ‘Only you can prevent forest fires’. It’s just as true in everything you do. The choices you make need to thought out with your brain as much as with your emotions because so many aspects of BDSM involve emotions – not always good emotions. But even ‘bad emotions’ is relative. Take fear play. It’s not uncommon and many thrive on it. Fear is considered a bad thing to most people in society – even some in BDSM … so a good balance of brain and emotion will do you well.
Beware of the need to ignore things in order to Belong – another B-word that sometimes people want to trump the more important B-word of Beware.

When you get into a relationship, you might believe that there is some give and take when it comes the DO’s and DO NOT’s you created with the last post and that isn’t always true or the best way to look at things.
Both of you should agree to respect each other’s desires, concerns, expectations and needs – just to name a few things with no changes to your standards – or limits.
If you ignore your standards in order to belong, there’s a possibility you are stepping into a less than ideal situation.
Some of the risks you willingly give up in order to experience everything you’ve read or hear about (or maybe experienced in another relationship), could be your peace of mind, your safety, or your life.

Don’t pishaw when I bring up these thing – especially your life. BDSM involves many dangerous weapons. I’m hard pressed to think of some of the tools people have in their ‘toy bag’ and not think of them as dangerous in a person’s hands.
BDSM is not a game – to those who live it or to those that use it as a means to get to you.

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